Saturday, August 1, 2009

Please Touch Me Written on 4/8/93

I see your silouette against the wall, as you stand across the room. I look at you, not being able to look at me. I can see and feel your fright. Please touch me, you can not catch what I have. I sit or lay here in pain. No, not always physical. But, mental. Knowing that a simple touch or kiss is something you will not do for me. Just the touch of your finger tips would take all of my pain away. Please touch me, so I may be in comfort.
I know you, among many, can not or will not touch someone with what I have. I also know, when I am gone, I will be going on to a better place. Please touch me, so when I do go, I know I am loved.

All thouse infected with HIV

Don't Try to Reach Me Written on 5/2/93

When I'm lost inside myself,
don't try to reach me. Your love
I can not feel.
When I'm lost inside myself,
don't try to reach me, your
touch frightens me.
When I'm lost inside myself,
don't try to reach me, I'm in
a black place.
When I'm lost inside myself,
don't try to reach me, I'm the
only one to lead myself home.
When I'm lost inside myself,
don't try to reach me.

A Letter To God

Dear God,

I know you hear from a lot of people, but the millions, every day. So I'm only one voice of many trying to talk to you. I know my prayers are not as important as so many others. At times, all that I feel an have inside, is so over whelming. I do my best to contain it and keep it in check. But, when I'm alone, it works its way to the surface.
The pain inside comes from stress and losses. The one I love, does not know of all the pain inside. He would not and does not know how to comfort me. No one know of it being bottled inside. I'm afraid to allow myself to start crying, because if i start, I do not think I will ever stop.
Everyone always says, time will heal all wounds. But, some wounds can not heal with all of the triggers around to keep them open. I do not kow if you will ever get this letter or hear my prayers among many. But, my hope is, just in writing it. I will be able to heal my heart just a little more.

Lost Written on 8/10/06

Looking down the long road ahead, so many twists and turns. You move forward cautiously. After a long journey, you start to feel weary. You begin to not know where you are, or where you are going. You feel at time, that you can not go on.
You meet so many others along the road. Some you love with all your heart, and still travel with you. Others you meet, only walk a short distance, and disappear. You know and feel you have given and lost a great deal in your life. But, no matter how far you have traveled, you are never alone.
When the tears traiil down your face, there are arms comforting you. Feeling tired, there is a shoulder to lean on for rest. So no matter how long the journey, whatever twists and turns come, all of the losses you have to endure. There is only one thing to remember....the road home is long, but you are never alone, and you are never lost.

Friday, July 31, 2009

Battle Scars Written on 6/30/06

Many words are said to you. You are called many things. Everything you are called, hurts your heart. But, you continue moving through life.
Sometimes, you are attacked mentally, which can be forgotten. Sometimes, you are attacked physically, which will heal in time. But, the hardest attack is of the heart. Which will never be forgotten, sometimes never forgiven, and will never heal.
The heart can withstand many things....breaking, cracking, and being ripped out. Everyone always says it will heal in time. But, all who says that, are wrong. The heart will never be complete again. All breakage and cracks will always be there, no matter what. You will just continue to get them. Just think of them as, battle scars.

A Better Place Written on 8/12/06

You have no more pain, no more suffering. The fight you gave, was a valiant one. Yet, a fight you have lost.
Yes, those left behind, will have a pain of their own to bare. The tears will flow, and the sadness will probably last for a while.
Right now, you see the light, you see the loved ones that have gone before. You feel the love from them, and from those left behind.
You are at peace within your soul. Go to the light, because within it, is a better place.

For: David White

Something God Made Written on 8/10/06

For years, we were pushed around, called names, and even beaten. Some lost their family, and others were told, "You have the devil in you". The worse of all are the many who have lost their lives, for being who they are. There are those who have won acceptance. Some took longer, but still accepted.
We have fought for all to accept us as we are. But, the bigger picture is not ready for that yet. Still our "style" is pushed aside, and we keep fighting. What some of the people do not know is, they know or deal with us almost on a daily basis.
Most people, us and them, are blinded by the fact that we are all the same. The few differences are: color, sex, and religion. Our preference is a "sex-style", not a "life-style". The one main thing no one see is, we are all something God made.

Masks Written on 6/10/97

We all wear them, putting them on when we feel we need them. We take them off and hang them, when in private. We all have many of them for different situations or occasions.
In some instances, they can be very helpfull. But, in all other areas they are and can be very dangerous things. All they do are cover feelings and allow us to be someone different. Not allowing others to see us for who we really are.
I do not wear mine any longer. Who everyone sees and meets, is exactly who I am. Yes, I have put away and hung up my masks, because they cause hurt and only hide me. Hopefully soon, everyone will not need them and all masks will come down. To reveal all of the beautiful faces behind them.